Cray. Cray cray. Crazy. Crayyyyzy. Crazzzzzy. Am I crazy?  I of late, and throughout my life have pondered this question.  And although the use of the word crazy to describe someone’s mental health state is controversial, I mean it in a dual sense of the word; I am as of right now (get out your DSM), diagnosed with Major Depressive and General Anxiety Disorder.  I also just do, say, and think crazy things.  As an example, we’ll look at my love life (of which there will be a chapter on later if you get through my ramblings).  I am a Ted Mosby.  If you are asking yourself, “who is Ted Mosby?” then I encourage you to stop reading, and go home and binge How I Met Your Mother on whatever is holding the rights to the show.  However if you do choose to keep reading, here is a very brief synopsis of is character.  

Ted is a hopeless or perhaps better described as a hopeful romantic.  He believes in finding “the one” and does incredibly unbelievably, you might say, crazy things along the road of finding his wife, such as stealing a blue French horn.  My favorite quote of his, and I will stop here and get back to me, is, “If you are not scared, then you are not taking a chance. If you are not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?”.  This quote has inspired me in times of insecurity and when I am attempting to make and decision and is quintessential  to Ted Mosby’s character.  

Alright, so back to me.  I will start talking to a guy on some dating app and as the conversation progresses, I dig deep inside and find the courage to ask him out on a date.  He will respond with some generic line like, “I want to get to know you more first” or “It takes me a while to meet a guy”.  And I say sure, that’s cool, I can wait.  In my mind I think that this is clearly going to be a waste of time and I should just indicate that I am not going to wait.  BUT then I think, what if I am patient and we eventually go on a date and it is super romantic with candles, roses, beaches, wine, etc., and then we date, and get engaged and he is the ONE!? I am totally crazy for thinking that, right?  This a real example of something that has happened in my life and as you might suspect, I am still single and have never experienced this grandiose, romantic notion that my mind concocts.  

Other than the romance department, I also apply this futuristic crazed thinking to jobs that I have not even applied for yet.  Recently this has occurred with applying to jobs that I am planning to be at temporarily, more will be explained in the next chapter.  So I look at a job as a server at some random restaurant, but not a well-known chain because I want to be at a restaurant slightly out of the norm so when I tell people it will be more interesting.  Are you getting the idea yet?  I then think about making friends, getting comfortable in the position, etc., but what if my dream job comes along in a month or two?  I am going to feel so guilty leaving so quickly. I even experience anxiety at the prospect of having to tell my potential boss, for a job I haven’t applied for that I am quitting.  

While being futuristic can be a positive thing, in this sense it is a bit problematic.  The point is though, we are all a little bit crazy in our own ways, whether it is a mental health kind of thing or just some variation of human behavior.  Just jump on the band wagon and be authentic to who you are!