This article I found actually speaks really well how I feel and think.

https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/gay-loneliness/

This post is inspired by my having the same nightmare twice last night; I dreamt that I never found love. Oddly enough, the sad future of being forever alone took place through How I Met Your Mother characters and the series finale. But waking up at 2:00am and at 7:00am with my heart-racing as well as aching, was rather unpleasant. I have always found sleeping, even though I don’t sleep well, to be a refuge from my anxiety and depression. So having that safe space infiltrated by my biggest fear was very unsettling and kept me awake for 2 hours after the first time and permantly the second time.

I have talked about dating before, but I am realizing that I really don’t know how to navigate it as a gay Christian living in Southeast Massachusetts. While I try to hope that I will find that special guy, it becomes increasingly difficult as I continue to be disappointed, not only in my love life, but in every aspect of my life. But that is all for today as I didn’t get much sleep 😅